If anyone knows the song “Heart of a Muslim”, its lyrics best describes what I am going through right now. My faith is being tested, my Imaan is being challenged.
If one has a dark past, it ain’t easy for people to believe she finds truth in Islam. Her conviction to stay morally right (not necessarily legally right i must say) is challenged by people who have known her from another episode of her life and will do everything to prove her wrong. Woe to these people who are quick to judge and abusive of trust. I have known people like these my whole life in UAE. And I have not yet found a way to know them on first meeting. They always find a way to get into my life and ruin whatever I am trying to build.
When you finally see the light, there is that longing inside you to share what you learned in life, and most often than not you do it by unveiling yourself and letting them see who you were and how you evolved. But some people will use whatever they know about you to their advantage, to make your past an escape goat for their misgivings. And when this happens, you have no one to blame but yourself for trusting too much, for hoping that the person you shared yourself with is a good person. And there’s no use ranting or fighting back. You can never deny your past. You can only prove them wrong in the future.
Islam teaches me that Allah permits something to happen for my greater good. I am in pain, again, but I won’t back down. I will still love and trust. I will still care and believe. People may always fail me, but Allah will see me through.